Sometimes we over-complicate what we need to do to experience better Mental health. By targeting common patterns of anxious thinking in our daily lives, we can make meaningful improvements without feeling overwhelmed
Try these thinking swaps to ease your anxiety, build balanced thinking, and reduce daily stress.
1. What if They’re Actually Thinking Something Positive About Me?
Anxiety often leads us to assume that people are judging us negatively. For example, you notice someone glancing at you at the gym while you’re slow jogging on a treadmill and think, “They’re probably wondering why I’m still so slow when I’ve been coming for months.”
When you jump to the assumption that someone is having a negative thought about you, consider that they could be thinking something positive, like you’re consistent about showing up or you have nice shoes.
The point of this exercise isn’t to be right; it’s to highlight that you don’t know what the other person is thinking—and likely can’t know. Forcing your brain to come up with a specific positive thought is more powerful than merely acknowledging that the situation is ambiguous. By considering a specific positive or neutral explanation for the glance, you’re teaching yourself that it’s equally likely, or at least possible.
2. What if This Situation Turns Out to Be No Big Deal?
We often experience mildly negative situations, like when we’re asked to make changes to a piece of work because we misunderstood what a client wanted. In these scenarios, it’s easy to start catastrophizing. You might assume the situation will be a big deal to resolve, or result in a long-standing negative impression.
Consider the thought, “What if this situation turned out to be no big deal? How would I wish I had responded if that were the outcome? How much worry would I invest if I had a crystal ball and knew this would all work out fine?”
In many mildly negative situations, we have opportunities to display positive qualities like openness and adaptability, or to sharpen our problem-solving skills. Resolving a mildly negative situation well can be an opportunity to create a positive impression, or strengthen trust in a relationship.
3. Their Behavior Could Be More About Them Than About Me
A classic cognitive bias that is especially common when someone is anxiety-prone is to believe someone else’s behavior is about you, or is a judgment of you or your choices. For example, while you’re sitting on the sidelines watching your younger child’s soccer practice, another parent offers to help your older child with their math homework. You jump to the idea, “They think I’m ignoring Sam and should be helping him with his homework myself.”
In these situations, it helps to imagine explanations for their behavior that have nothing to do with you. For example, maybe the other parent is bored and looking for an activity to occupy themselves, or they loved math as a kid and want to show their skills.
Again, it’s often more useful to imagine a specific explanation for the other person’s behavior rather than generally remind yourself, “They might not be thinking that.” Imagining a specific scenario that could better account for the other person’s behavior, like they’re a math lover or bored, is a better exercise in forcing your brain to think more neutrally.
When someone genuinely is thinking a negative thought about you, consider what circumstances could have led them to that? What would make that negative judgment understandable? For example, if someone judges you for raising your child as a vegetarian, it might be because they know a parent who did that without properly monitoring their child’s nutritional needs (like their iron levels)—something you’re actually careful about doing. Their judgment comes from a legitimate concern based on their experience, even though it doesn’t apply to your situation.
Building a More Balanced Brain
As the saying goes, “neurons that fire together, wire together.” By responding to ambiguous or mildly negative events with balanced thinking, we create a more balanced brain.
The thinking swaps mentioned here are basic, but they reflect the most common patterns of anxious thinking that occur in everyday life. For this reason, they’re important patterns to disrupt. If you have an anxious child or teen in your life, consider teaching them these swaps. It’ll help them recognize opportunities to change their thinking and deepen your understanding of these patterns. These small but powerful shifts in thinking don’t just reduce anxiety in the moment—they gradually rewire your brain to approach uncertainty with greater balance and resilience.
