Recently, I shared a post inviting people to talk about their relationships with their pets and the impact of this bond on their lives. The idea was to understand what it is like to experience moving with a pet to another country. I spoke with some Brazilian immigrants who share a deep emotional bond with their pets, and what started as informal interviews with women I met in a Facebook group turned into powerful, emotional exchanges. As a researcher and clinician who has heard different stories about animals and the complexities of this relationship, I expected to hear about connection, challenges, and emotional support. These were the topics of our conversation, but what I learned talking to them also involved grief, resilience, and trauma related to separation.

While listening to the many situations described by these women, I reflected on my own experiences with my dogs. With their consent, I bring pieces of their experiences.

Bringing One, Leaving One Behind

When I moved to Canada, I had two dogs: Pantro and Lisa. Pantro came with me when I immigrated from Brazil in 2018, and his presence was crucial during this transition. In the early stages of the pandemic, he was quite literally the only living being I could safely touch and the only face I saw daily. With all the social distancing measures and the border restrictions in place, I spent 11 months without seeing my family while working remotely. During this time, his presence was grounding for me. He brought me balance when everything else felt uncertain, and at that time, I truly experienced the profound psychological role a pet can play as a stable attachment figure.

In 2021, I was finally able to bring my second dog (Lisa) to Canada. She had stayed behind with my parents because I could not bring both at the same time. When she arrived, I looked at her and something felt off. It is difficult to explain because I knew it was Lisa looking at me, and our connection was still there, but I could not shake the feeling that something had been lost in our time apart. A deep, lingering guilt settled in, and I carry this feeling with me to this day, even though I know she was loved and well cared for.

This feeling was echoed in one of my interviews with a woman who left her dogs with her parents and spoke about the weight of leaving behind beings that are a crucial part of our lives and are no longer present in all the small daily moments they once shared.

What Their Stories Revealed

In these conversations, something deeper emerged. For example, some women shared stories of losing pets in childhood because they were rehomed. In some cases, the families only said that the dog was with another family.

That early trauma left a scar, one that still shaped their adult relationships with their companion animals. As they described, being able to keep their pets during immigration was not just a preference motivated by their emotional connection with their pets but also a way to care for a part of themselves that had been hurt.

Talking to them was a reminder that immigration can be a very disorienting process. Partially because several logistical hurdles are involved, such as finding housing, adjusting to a new job, and learning new systems, but there are other factors. As shared by the women I interviewed, underneath these challenges lies a psychological toll that includes the grief of separation, the disconnection from familiar spaces and people, and the vulnerability of starting over.

However, they also demonstrated how, during this transitional time, the presence of pets offers a sense of constancy and belonging that is extremely powerful. At the same time, for those living with elderly pets, the fear of losing them is a source of stress, as it would mean losing their connection to home. One woman described it as a feeling of emotional instability that is triggered by the thought of that possibility.

Throughout the interviews, people said things like, “She gives me a sense of home.” “Without her, I wouldn’t have made it.” Some people explained how their pets helped them regulate emotions during difficult times. For example, one woman described the frustration of not having her professional qualifications recognized in Canada and the numerous barriers she faced when seeking employment. For her, having her dog by her side was not only a comfort but also a reason to keep trying. Another woman said that during a challenging period when she was struggling with Mental health issues, her pet was her motivation to get out of bed. They also highlighted the importance of physical affection. They described situations in which their companion animals provided emotional support as they began to question their decision to move to another country. For a woman dealing with various health issues, her dog was trained to provide support during difficult times, which had a significant impact on her ability to adjust to a new culture.

These stories give life to what research already tells us: Pets are family for many people. They help to reduce loneliness and increase our sense of security during life transitions.

Yet, this topic is often overlooked. In academic and cultural conversations about migration, we often talk about leaving behind countries, communities, and family traditions, but we do not talk enough about the heartbreak of leaving a pet. The emotional impact can be immense, especially when complicated by social judgment from friends and family. Some women discussed the judgment they faced for putting the pet at risk for a 10-hour trip alone. Others described the judgment for leaving their pets behind.

The Weight of Love and the Shadow of Guilt

One central theme in these stories is the duality of feeling comfort and connection with home, as described by these women, and the feeling of guilt when the pet is left behind. These encounters made me reflect more deeply on my relationship with my dogs. Pantro was always by my side, and I believe that the fact that we never lived apart helped me cope with his passing in 2021. It was painful, but I knew I had done my best in every single moment shared with him, and my memories were not tangled with guilt.

However, even though Lisa, now 15, has been by my side almost every day during the past four years, I still carry an uncomfortable feeling when I remember the years we lived apart.
Similarly, some of the stories I heard discuss a hidden grief and the weight of guilt that lingers even when we do our best. Others emphasize the importance of pets as attachment figures that offer comfort and stability when needed. These stories serve as a reminder of the profound impact pets can have on people’s lives during periods of transition, when their sense of belonging is challenged. As described by one woman, having your pet by your side when everything around is so new and uncertain helps people to feel at home. At the same time, these stories help us to reflect on how important it is to provide care for those who had to leave their pets behind and are still grieving this loss.