As an eating disorder therapist, I know that many individuals in eating disorder recovery feel like they have to work to ‘love the appearance of their body.’
This is far from the truth for a variety of reasons. Feeling like you have to work to ‘love your body’ is a lot of pressure that can cause people to feel hopeless and even give up when it comes to eating disorder recovery. The following are a few reasons and some research, which suggests that a far better goal is body compassion.
- Our bodies change over time, so attaching our self worth to our appearance is akin to boarding a sinking ship.
The reality is that our bodies will change over time. Skin will sag, wrinkles will form, body shape and size often changes. Thus, attaching your sense of self-worth to something that is only bound to keep changing is utterly unhelpful.
- You can treat your body with compassion and respect, regardless of how you feel about its appearance.
Learning how to treat your body with compassion and respect, regardless of how you feel about its appearance is a key skill that I work with clients on in therapy. The emotions that we feel more generally and about our bodies also fluctuate throughout the day. Therefore, if we are only compassionate towards our body when we are feeling great about the way that it looks, this is problematic.
If you had a beloved dog that hadn’t been groomed in a while and you didn’t love how his fur looked, would you treat them with less compassion and care? Likely, the answer to that is no. The way that you treat your body should not be conditional on how you feel about its appearance. If this is something that you struggle with, it’s indicative that this is important to work on.
- For some people struggling with eating disorders, language around ‘body love’ can feel invalidating.
For individuals who deal with chronic illness and chronic pain, messaging like ‘be grateful for your body’s function” or “focus on loving your body” can fall flat. Additionally, for survivors of trauma or really anyone who doesn’t resonate with a message of ‘body love’ this language can feel both invalidating and unhelpful.
Further, the concept of ‘body love’ can feel unattainable for some when they are currently bogged down in body hatred.
- Eating disorder recovery is about connecting to your true values and reclaiming your life-not necessarily about needing to ‘love your reflection at all times.’
I always say that the aim is to work to live a life that is meaningful and in alignment with your true values, not necessarily to love the appearance of our body.
Rather, the intention is to have the appearance of your body take up less real estate in your mind, as well as to treat your body and yourself with compassion.
What The Research Says
In the Journal of Eating Disorders 2025, a qualitative study was conducted to explore how people in recovery or recovered from eating disorders experienced body compassion.
The study found that practicing compassion towards one’s body was crucial when it came to sustained eating disorder recovery.
Body compassion in this study was defined as developing a caring relationship towards one’s body that wasn’t dependent on appearance.
Participants of the study emphasized that it is challenging to recover without practicing body compassion. Thus, it seemed to be an integral aspect to the participants recovery.
How This Is Important In Clinical Practice
Shifting focus as therapists from a focus on ‘body love’ to one of ‘body compassion,’ while also helping clients to connect to their true values is key in eating disorder treatment.
Many individuals with eating disorders also have a harsh inner critic so in addition to body compassion, it’s helpful to work on Self-compassion as a whole.
Eating Disorders Essential Reads
Pushing a narrative of ‘body love,’ may also turn some people away from eating disorder recovery, particularly those with co-morbid chronic illness.
Eating disorder recovery is not about loving your reflection, but about choosing compassion and care so you can live a fuller more values-driven life.
