When I turned 40, I kept waiting for the narrative around middle age to catch up with me—the whole “downhill from here” thing. It never did.

As I moved from my early to late 40s, one feeling resonated: I felt great! My smartest, most confident, and healthiest version of myself. 

The disconnect between what I was expecting to feel and what I actually felt was so large that, at the end of last year, I started a Substack to talk about the notion that, yes, we can be Happier in the Middle. It turns out my hunch is beyond anecdotal and actually rooted in scientific research.

Primetime, by Margie Lachman, the director of the Lifespan Lab at Brandeis University, suggests that we are looking at both life and especially life in the middle the wrong way.

Instead of viewing life as one mountain to climb, the foundational perspective of the “downhill” metaphor, it’s more accurately a series of mountains and the middle a pivotal summit where we get to look back at where we’ve been and make decisions about where we want to go next.

Why do we believe in a midlife crisis?

Based on over 30 years of research, Lachman roughly defines the middle as age 40 to 60 (plus or minus 10 years).

She demystifies the origin story of the “midlife crisis,” tracing it to a 1965 article by a Canadian psychoanalyst who noted that the creativity of artists dipped in their mid- to late 30s, which he linked to feelings of a looming end of life. We also have him to thank for the notion that life after 40 goes “downhill.”

The idea of a midlife crisis was later fueled by a 2008 study showing a U-shape to happiness, with it dipping in midlife. However, when Lachman and her colleagues investigated the data driving this study, they found that “while visually compelling . . . the giant dip in the graph isn’t as significant as it appears from the image.” But the damage of a belief in a midlife dip in happiness had already been done. Add to that media uptake, and we have a full-blown cultural phenomenon that lives rent-free in most of our heads.

However, research by Lachman and her colleagues shows that only 10 to 20% of adults report having a midlife crisis. More importantly, what’s termed a crisis is closer to an introspective life challenge, and one of many inflection points experienced throughout the lifespan, not just in midlife.

Another challenge that amplifies concern about midlife is the belief that who we are is relatively stable by then, in terms of our self-concept (what we think of ourselves) and personality (how we show up in the world), both of which are key drivers to change. Self-concept and personality impact the realm of what we feel is possible for our lives: the goals we can achieve, lifestyle changes we believe we can make, and types of experiences we seek out.

Lachman offers scientific research that counters the belief of a stable and immutable self. Specifically: 1) Personality can change well into midlife and typically only begins to stabilize after the age of 50, and 2) the 50s is a pivotal decade marked by increased introspection and self-reflection. “One of the great opportunities of midlife is that we are in a stronger position than ever before to close the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Using personality change as an avenue for improving the way you think, feel, and behave is a new and underutilized tool,” she writes.

We can have what she calls in one section of the book “a midlife personality glow-up”!

What do we lose and gain in midlife?

A big challenge that I have with the popular midlife narrative is that it’s a deficit-only narrative. We only hear about what we may potentially lose in this phase of life and far less about what is available for us to gain or maintain. Primetime balances the scale in this area.

The book covers various tradeoffs in midlife focusing on potential losses and gains. I’ll share three such examples below.

Cognition. A big concern many of us have, me included, is: Will I be able to maintain my intelligence and memory as I age or not? Lachman helps us to reframe this black-and-white way of thinking about cognition through the lifespan by reminding us there are two components of intelligence, fluid intelligence and crystallized intelligence. “Fluid intelligence is about quick thinking and innovation … . Crystallized intelligence . . . is the epitome of wisdom . . . which relies on experience, semantic memory, knowledge, and the ability to synthesize them all and apply it to the current problem.”

Yes, fluid intelligence may gradually decline as we age, but our crystallized intelligence gets better as we age, through our 60s and 70s. This explains why I feel so confident now: It’s the culmination of life experience, learned knowledge, and my ability to map it on to new situations, all things that we acquire with time.

But if maintaining fluid intelligence is important to us, we are not powerless. Prioritizing activities that encourage neuroplasticity—like learning a new instrument or language, travel to a foreign country, or developing an artistic habit—can help us to preserve fluid intelligence as we age.

Inflammation. In addition to our cognition, another area that gets a lot of attention around midlife decline is our physical health. Everyone from your doctor to well-meaning friends and partners is likely warning you about the potential uptick in illnesses as you age. Their warnings not only are well-meaning, they can also be true. Research does support that as we age, we become susceptible to more physical health problems like cardiovascular, metabolic, and neurodegenerative issues.

A major driver of age-related health decline is inflammation. Inflammation is our immune system’s response to injury, infection, or harm. Lachman reminds us that a key driver of inflammation is chronic stress, something that many of us in the middle may experience due to managing child care, work, and aging parents.

Although we may not be able to control all of the stressors we face at this stage of life, we can mitigate them through our mindset, social support, and healthy behaviors. For example, a study Lachman worked on using Midlife in the United States survey data found that we can employ what she calls “psychosocial anti-inflammatories,” such as cultivating a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives, self-efficacy (believing we can impact change in our lives), optimism, and positive social connections—as well as adopting a regular exercise routine, which has been found to benefit both our physical and Mental health as we age. 

Combined, psychosocial anti-inflammatories and exercise help reduce stress and the impact of stress-related inflammation.

Social network. Many of us are likely to have a robust social network by the time we reach middle age, largely due to all of the roles we hold during this period: parent, partner, adult child, friend, boss, coworker, community member, etc. In support of this pattern, Lachman shares data from Pew Research Center that shows that 54% of Americans in their 40s are caring for both children and an aging parent.

With our expanded network comes the potential for a rich and supportive tapestry of social support. But social networks can also add strain and stress stemming from the relationship. Our goal should be to minimize this to the extent possible and capitalize on the social support aspects of relationships. Social support can reduce the impact of life stress and positively contribute to our overall well-being.

An interesting turn that midlife presents for our connection to others is generativity. “Research shows that one of the biggest gains we make in midlife is in the realm of generativity, the way we positively contribute to the world through care and concern for others,” Lachman writes. For example, this might include volunteering, community activism, or mentoring.

It’s in this area that our lived experiences pay in dividends, not just for us but for others. While the concept of generativity places a premium on helping younger generations, this form of support can also be extended to peers and those older than you, as well. A good example is an organization highlighted in the book, Seniors Helping Seniors, where older adults help other older adults across a variety of needs.

The biggest takeaways from Primetime are, first, that our mindset is one of our best assets as we age. It can determine the type of life we will live in midlife and beyond. Second, it’s never too late to start making changes to positively impact our health and well-being. I’m living proof of that, having only recently regained a consistent physical fitness routine in the past couple of years, which has contributed to how good I feel right now, with my 50s around the corner.

We have the capacity to shape how our midlife years and beyond look through the right mindset, decisions, and support; we are not powerless.