Parenting is hard. For everyone. You will never be able to end all toddler tantrums or child misbehavior. However, research can point us in the right direction. It shows how to parent in ways that minimize child anxiety and depression (called “internalizing” problems), as well as behavior problems (called “externalizing” problems).

Parenting Styles and Child Problems

Diana Baumrind noted that there are four different kinds of parents: authoritarian, permissive, disengaged, and authoritative. Authoritarian parents are highly demanding of their children but show little support for them, whereas permissive parents have low expectations of their children but show high levels of support. Disengaged parents are low on both warmth and demandingness. Lastly, authoritative parents demonstrate high levels of supportiveness, along with high expectations for beneficial behavior.

Research shows that these parenting styles are associated with child Mental health and behavior outcomes. Children of authoritarian parents demonstrate increased levels of externalizing and internalizing behavior problems (Bornstein, 2015; Pelaez, Pickens, & Hart, 2008; Rinaldi & Howe, 2012), suggesting that a combination of high control and little warmth is damaging to children both emotionally and behaviorally. Children of permissive parents often show higher rates of externalizing behavior problems in particular (Rinaldi & Howe, 2012), as children in these homes are not required to live up to high expectations of behavior. Interestingly, if mothers are permissive and/or fathers are authoritarian, children may be especially likely to develop externalizing behavior problems (Rinaldi & Howe, 2012). Likely due to both the lack of behavioral and emotional regulation from parents, children of disengaged parents also demonstrate higher rates of externalizing behavior problems (e.g., aggression, problem behavior; Paleaz et al., 2008).

Children of authoritative parents have the lowest rates of internalizing and externalizing behavior problems (e.g., Bornstein, 2015; Rinaldi & Howe, 2012; Sangawi, Adams, & Reissland, 2015). Research also suggests that children from authoritative households demonstrate higher levels of prosocial behavior (for review, see Bornstein, 2015). For these reasons, an authoritative parenting style, marked by high warmth and high expectations for behavior, may be an ideal for parents to strive for.

Specific Parenting Characteristics and Practices and Child Problems

Beyond general styles, specific parenting actions can affect a child’s Mental health and behavior problems. Practices linked to more internalizing problems include negative control (hostility, intrusiveness, demandingness, power assertion, harsh discipline), parental rejection, over-involvement, over-concern, and very high parenting standards (Carneiro et al., 2016; Bornstein, 2015; Sangawi et al., 2015). Parents who are too responsive may make their child more prone to negative emotions (see Bornstein, 2015).

Parenting behaviors related to increased externalizing behaviors include high levels of control, parental rejection, and physical punishment (for review, see Bornstein, 2015; Sangawi et al., 2015). Under-responsiveness to or hypo-stimulation of children may lead to aggression and disruptive behavior, whereas over-responsiveness or hyper-stimulation may increase attention problems (see Bornstein, 2015). Harsh, inconsistent discipline may also contribute to the development of antisocial behavior (Sangawi et al., 2015).

In contrast, parental warmth, parental involvement, and healthy parental “limit-setting” reduce child externalizing behavior (for review, see Bornstein, 2015). Parental warmth and acceptance, as well as parental involvement and the use of reasoning in punishment, also increase prosocial behavior in children (for review, see Bornstein, 2015).

How to Apply the Research

In sum, children do best with parenting styles that blend warmth and high expectations for behavior. Overdoing warmth (such as being overly concerned or responsive) or demandingness (such as setting overly high standards) can hurt children. For better behavior and a happier child, try these tips:

1. Show warmth.

Let your child know that they are loved and cared about with affection and support. Hugs and words that show them how special they are make your child feel safe and strengthen your bond.

Show your child that they are accepted for who they are and avoid sending any messages that they are deficient in any way or rejected by you. Show your confidence in their ability to solve their own problems when they can and avoid rushing in to fix every little thing for them. For example, if your child comes home upset about a sub-par grade, show empathy and concern for their feelings, let them know you may be disappointed but that you accept them, and empower them to spend more time on homework going forward.

2. Practice healthy limit-setting.

Stay consistent with household rules and hold high expectations for acceptable behavior. Make expectations clear, enforce them with consistent rewards and disincentives, and help children understand the reasons for rules. One example could be making a rule never to yell, explaining that it “hurts [Mommy or Daddy’s] feelings,” and if the rule is broken, sending the child to a time-out for a set amount of time, every time. Just make sure the expectations you set for your child are developmentally appropriate by asking friends, teachers, or Google.

Note: It should be noted that it is a topic of scholarly debate as to whether an authoritative parenting style is superior to other parenting styles in reducing behavior problems across cultures. In some cultures, authoritative parenting is much rarer than in the U.S. (e.g., Eastern and Islamic countries), and in some other countries (e.g., Spain), behavior problems may be lower for children with authoritarian parents than those with authoritative parents (Sangawi et al., 2015). This research suggests that the effects of parenting style may depend on the context of the family. While in middle-class, white America, an authoritative style may reduce behavior problems, this is debated in other cultures around the world.