How My Need to Clean Was a Childhood Coping Skill

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings When I was a little girl, I had the smallest bedroom in the house. It was tiny. Honestly, probably the size of a small walk-in closet. But it was mine. And for the first time, I got to choose what it […]

The Powerful Insight That Helped Me Worry Less and Sleep Again

“Surrender is not about giving up. It is about letting go of the illusion of control.” ~Judith Orloff Watching my mother lose her memory while I was losing mine felt like a cruel preview of my future—until I learned that stress, not genetics, was writing my story. It was 3:47 a.m.—again. I’d been awake since […]

Anxiety Sucks, But It Taught Me These 7 Important Things

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” ~Soren Kierkegaard Let’s be clear: This isn’t an article about positive thinking. This isn’t an article about how silver linings make everything okay. This isn’t an article about how your perspective on anxiety is all wrong. The kids call those things “toxic positivity.” No toxic positivity here. This is an article […]

Enmeshed Families: When Control Is Disguised as Closeness

Most people value close, supportive family relationships. We want to feel loved, understood, and connected. But when families become too tightly connected—or enmeshed—that closeness can interfere with our ability to develop our own identity, make independent choices, and pursue our goals. What Is Enmeshment? Enmeshment is often confused with closeness or intimacy, both of which […]

Eldest Children Suffer Under Coercive Control Domestic Violence

Co-authored with Julie Nee All children suffer in families where one partner abuses and controls the other (Stark, 2023). In our work, we have seen that first-born child often suffer the most. In coercive control, one person dominates their partner through tactics including intimidation, isolation, and emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse (Fontes, 2015). Coercive […]