Psychedelic drugs are gaining a lot of attention as powerful opportunities for Mental health treatment and personal growth. Psychedelic experiences can be especially powerful for making relational changes, because psychedelics like ketamine, MDMA, and psilocybin help us think more flexibly, understand different perspectives, get out of old habits, and be more connected to others.

One of the most important parts of psychedelic experiences is integration. Integration refers to how we process and make meaning of a psychedelic experience, and it is essential for translating insights from a non-ordinary state of consciousness into lasting change in our daily lives. Without integration, we tend to forget the psychedelic experiences and our insights, or worse, we can get stuck in the conflict between the aspirations of our non-ordinary state and the stresses and hassles of daily life. If you have a romantic partner, integrating together with a partner is one of the best ways to ensure that your personal growth also includes healing and growing your relationship.

So what is integration?

Think of psychedelic integration like putting together a puzzle. Your psychedelic experience may have involved lots of bits and pieces of experiences, insights, and feelings, like all the pieces of a puzzle that you just dumped out of its box. Integration starts with simply recalling and describing the different aspects of a psychedelic experience, like flipping over and sorting the puzzle pieces by shape or color. Then, we begin understanding and making meaning of these different aspects of the experience, like fitting puzzle pieces together a few at a time. Finally, we work to understand the psychedelic experience in the context of our lives as a whole. We decide whether its lessons change how we want to live on a daily basis, like standing back and seeing how all the pieces of the puzzle fit together to make a bigger picture.

Integration can involve many different processes and exercises that can help accomplish these tasks. Journaling, meditating, talking with loved ones, making art and other creative expression, engaging in dance or other physical movement, listening to music, being in nature, and more can all provide the space and scaffolding for integration to occur over time.

How should you share about your psychedelic experiences with your partner?

First, ask permission before sharing. Psychedelic experiences can be intense, vulnerable, and can seem strange or confusing, so ask your partner if they are up for hearing about your experience. Be clear about what kind of support you need from your partner. Do you want them to just listen and understand, so that you can work out your own thoughts aloud? Do you want them to provide validation, so you don’t feel alone in your experience? Do you want them to help you with problem-solving, so you can figure out how to make changes in your life?

When sharing with your partner, be sure to use self-responsible, non-blaming language, such as “I feel” statements—focus on your own experience instead of mind-reading for anyone else. Sometimes, people leave a psychedelic experience feeling like they want everyone else to see and feel and understand what they did; but remember that your experience is just for you, and it’s not your role to convince anyone else. If you had some insights about your partner or your relationship, share about your own role in your relationship dynamic or your own thoughts and feelings about your partnership, rather than telling your partner about themselves

How can partners support integration?

Talking, being in nature, and engaging in meaningful activities are great ways to integrate together.

Source: Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels

If your partner is sharing about a psychedelic experience with you and you want to support their integration, there are a number of helpful things that you can do. First and foremost, listen nonjudgmentally. Psychedelic experiences are, by definition, unusual and may seem confusing, alarming, or nonsensical. Remember that this is normal and doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with your partner or what they experienced. You can ask your partner curious questions to help them explore what they experienced and what it meant to them. Remember that a curious question is open-ended and does not have a right or wrong answer; it’s not an interrogation. You can be a great active listener by paraphrasing what you’ve heard your partner say and validating their experience—for example, you might say something like, “I can hear how meaningful it felt to you to feel like your grandmother was present with you during your experience. I know how much you loved her before she passed away so I understand why that would have felt really special.”

If your partner has asked for help with problem-solving, you can help brainstorm how they can make desired changes in their life. You might also share your perspective on relationship dynamics and work together with your partner to decide on changes to make together. It can also be wonderful to participate in integration activities together, such as being in nature together, creating art, or engaging in dance or exercise together. Finally, you can really help your partner by supporting them in taking the time and space necessary for integration. For example, you might offer to take on child care or other household duties for an evening so your partner can meditate and journal. Or, you might encourage your partner to schedule a few hours of alone time during the weekend instead of feeling pressure to be together.

What if we get stuck, start fighting, or need more help?

Integration can be challenging. If you need more help, look for a couple therapist who provides psychedelic-assisted therapy and/or psychedelic harm reduction, or an integration coach who is trained in supporting couples. It’s essential to work with a professional who is experienced in supporting relationships and who understands psychedelic experiences.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.