A daughter feels obligated to take on the caregiving role for her mother, even if it conflicts with her own career, personal life, or financial situation. Meanwhile, her brother may not participate as much, either because of gendered expectations or poor communication.

An adult child is the caregiver for their elderly father, but there is ongoing emotional conflict from their childhood. Unresolved issues of control and guilt complicate the caregiving relationship. The parent struggles with accepting their dependency, leading to frustration and anger for the adult child

A spouse becomes the primary caregiver for the other who is experiencing a chronic and disabling illness. The caregiver spouse feels overwhelmed and resentful, while the person receiving care may experience frustration about their dependency. The resultant marital tension is exacerbated by increased social isolation.

In the United States, 37.1 million people provide unpaid eldercare, and the majority of them (59%) are women. On average, American women spend 2.2 times more hours per day providing unpaid family care than men. Many of these caregivers also work jobs, with 61% balancing caregiving with employment. Additionally, nearly 4.5 million people belong to the “sandwich generation,” meaning they are raising children under 18 while also caring for their own parents.

Traditionally, family caregivers offered emotional support and helped with basic tasks like household chores and personal care. But as more people require health care at home, these caregivers are being asked to take on more complex medical tasks, often without proper training or support. More than half of all caregivers are performing medical tasks that would typically be done by healthcare professionals like nurses or pharmacists. They are also expected to navigate complicated healthcare systems, understand complex health information, and take on the roles of care coordinators, advocates, and decision-makers.

The COVID-19 pandemic exposed many weaknesses in caregiving systems and worsened existing challenges. It highlighted how caregiving is often undervalued and underscored the urgent need for better policies, support, and investment in caregiving infrastructure. A 2023 article in the Journal of the American Medical Association discussed how the pandemic also revealed the gendered nature of caregiving. The authors pointed out that caregiving is often seen as “women’s work,” with society viewing women as naturally more nurturing and selfless. From a young age, girls are often socialized to take on caregiving roles, and this expectation persists into adulthood. As a result, female caregivers are less likely to receive help from family and friends or use external caregiving services. Unfortunately, this heavy responsibility can seriously affect women’s Mental health. Compared to non-caregivers, family caregivers—especially women—experience higher levels of emotional distress, depression, anxiety, and social isolation.

As a psychiatrist, I frequently meet women who are struggling with caregiver-related stress and burnout. I often find it would have been very helpful if caregivers were able to equip themselves with tools, coping skills, and strategies to protect their well-being earlier on in their caregiving journey. I have curated a list below in the hope that such approaches may help to ensure that your caregiving journey remains personally rewarding.

Here are three strategies to set boundaries around gendered caregiving

1. Acknowledge Gendered Expectations

Recognize the social norms that dictate caregiving roles based on gender. Understanding these patterns helps you identify when you’re being pressured to conform.

2. Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly

If you feel overwhelmed by an assumption that caregiving is your responsibility just because of your gender, have an open conversation with those around you. Try starting with this, “I am not comfortable being the sole caregiver in this situation based on gender expectations.”

3. Set Expectations in Advance

If possible, communicate about who will take on what roles, and make sure everyone understands the importance of an equitable sharing of responsibilities. Suggest delegating tasks based on ability, availability, or interest rather than defaulting to gendered roles.

Here are three tools you can use to manage a complicated caregiver dynamic

1. Clear Communication

In a caregiving relationship where there is a history of intense emotions and tensions, maintaining clear communication is vital. Using “I” statements allows you to express your own needs and feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when I don’t have time for self-care,” rather than “You never let me have time for myself.”

2. Boundary Setting

Establish hours when you are available for caregiving tasks and times when you are not. Set emotional boundaries that prevent you from becoming overly entangled in your loved one’s frustrations.

3. Task Delegation

Using a shared task list or schedule (e.g., via a digital calendar or app) helps keep track of caregiving duties and ensures that they’re divided equally among family members or caregivers. This prevents resentment from building up if one person feels overburdened.

Here are three coping skills to help maintain your physical and Mental health as a caregiver

1. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can reduce stress by helping you stay present in the moment and this can prevent you from feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities of caregiving. Just a few minutes a day to focus on your breathing or practice some mindfulness techniques can reduce your anxiety, enhance your emotional regulation, and improve overall your sense of well-being.

2. Engage in Regular Physical Activity

Physical activity boosts your mood by releasing endorphins, which can help combat feelings of stress. Even short, daily activities like a 30-minute walk or stretching routine can make a significant difference.

3. Seek Social Support

Connecting with others who understand your experience is vital to helping you feel validated and less isolated. Whether it’s family members, friends, or a caregiver support group, social support can reduce feelings of loneliness and provide you with advice, hope, and encouragement. Seek professional help if you’re not getting the traction you need or feel constantly overwhelmed.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.