Neurodivergence in women is often misunderstood, underdiagnosed, or misinterpreted due to the ways it manifests differently than in men across the lifespan. Much of the existing research and support systems treat neurodivergence as a static way of being, a fixed set of deficits and strengths. However, a more accurate and helpful perspective is to view neurodivergence as an interplay of strengths and challenges, the expression of which dynamically changes and evolves across contexts, the lifespan, and environmental demands and fit. The internal experience of neurodivergence and its externals expression are influenced by major life transitions like starting school or becoming a parent.
Neurodivergent women face unique challenges and opportunities as they navigate major life transitions. From childhood to adulthood, relationships, and motherhood, the way neurodivergence presents and impacts daily life shifts—shaped by changing needs, societal pressures, and personal growth. In this post, we explore how neurodivergence in women is not a fixed condition but one that fluctuates and adapts over time, particularly as they move through pivotal life milestones.
School Years: Masking and Misdiagnosis
Many neurodivergent girls learn to mask their differences to fit in with peers. Strong verbal skills and an ability to mimic social behaviours often make neurodivergence harder to detect, leading to late or incorrect diagnoses. However, the pressure to conform can lead to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and depression.
School years also bring challenges with sensory sensitivities and social interaction, making what appears to be a “typical” school experience overwhelming for many girls. Some may initially excel academically, but as neurotypical demands increase—whether in social expectations or executive functioning—difficulties become more pronounced.
Some neurodivergent girls’ struggles may become more noticeable when starting primary school, while others encounter significant difficulties only after the transition to high school, when independent planning and task management demands significantly increase. Neurodivergence does not exist in a vacuum. Challenges become visible more clearly when environmental demands exceed individual resources and capacity. Unfortunately, rather than recognising such struggles as signs of neurodivergence, many girls are mistakenly diagnosed with Mental health conditions like anxiety.
Adulthood: Career and Relationships
As women transition into adulthood, their environmental demands and the nature of their challenges shift. While many excel in academic settings due to strong intellect, dedication, and hyper-focus, the demands of the workplace present new hurdles. Office dynamics with unwritten rules, unstructured environments and tasks, and the ongoing effort to mask neurodivergent traits can lead to a host of suboptimal outcomes like underperformance, being overlooked for promotion, workplace bullying, and burnout.
Personal relationships—especially romantic ones—also bring complexities. Neurotypical social norms and emotional expectations can be overwhelming, leading to miscommunication and strain, especially in neurotypical-neurodivergent partnerships. However, neurodivergent women often bring unique strengths, such as loyalty, empathy, and deep commitment, especially when they find safe and accepting spaces. Unfortunately, many women struggling with relational or emotional difficulties are misdiagnosed in adulthood with anxiety, depression, or even personality vulnerabilities instead of receiving recognition of their underlying neurodivergence.
Motherhood: Balancing Needs and Expectations
Motherhood can be an especially demanding transition for neurodivergent women. Parenting often brings sensory sensitivities, executive functioning challenges, and social isolation to the foreground. Moreover, the societal expectation of the “ideal mother” often overlooks the nuanced needs and strengths of neurodivergent mothers, creating an additional layer of pressure, guilt and feelings of invisibility and not fitting in.
In this life stage, neurodivergent mothers must simultaneously develop personalised strategies to support their children while managing their own well-being. Advocacy becomes a dual role: meeting their children’s needs while navigating their own sensory and emotional experiences. The increased executive functioning demands of parenting, coupled with the need to manage time efficiently, can add to the strain, requiring careful adaptation and support.
Midlife and Beyond: Self-Discovery and Late Diagnosis
Many neurodivergent women receive a diagnosis later in life, after years of masking and misinterpretation. While this realisation often brings relief and self-understanding, it also prompts a reassessment of past struggles, career paths, and relationships. Burnout from years of navigating an often unsupportive world is common.
Aging as a neurodivergent woman remains largely under-researched, but this life stage presents unique challenges and opportunities, including enhancing access to supportive healthcare and social supports. Midlife often also is a period of reflection, self-acceptance and growth for neurodivergent women, as many finally have the language to describe their experiences and the freedom to create environments that work for them.
Conclusion
Neurodivergence in women is a dynamic, evolving experience shaped by life’s milestones and demands. Key life transitions—such as starting (high) school or work, entering relationships, or becoming a parent—often bring neurodivergence to the forefront as environmental demands change and require a renewed exploration and re-negotiation of one’s own needs and responsibilities. The challenges and strengths associated with neurodivergence are not always static but fluctuate in their prominence and expression. Therefore, it is essential that clinical practice and research incorporate a flexible, evolving, and individualised lens to further neurodivergent knowledge and supports. As awareness grows, so too must our research, support systems, and societal recognition of the diverse experiences neurodivergent women navigate. By fostering a deeper understanding and offering tailored support throughout the lifespan, we can ensure that neurodivergent women are not only seen but also empowered to thrive at every stage of life.
