In a society where cycles of abuse and violence persist across generations, stories like It Ends With Us offer a glimpse of hope. Adapted from Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel, the 2024 film tells Lily Bloom’s troubling yet inspiring journey toward breaking free from intergenerational trauma. Throughout the film, Lily is confronted with complex choices about how to create a healthier future for herself and her loved ones. The film is a raw confrontation with the complexities of cycles of violence (Walker, 1979) that can trap families for generations. Ultimately, It Ends With Us teaches a powerful lesson about breaking intergenerational cycles of abuse and reclaiming agency and control over one’s life.
Awareness of Abuse
The first step towards breaking cycles of abuse is recognizing when they are present. Throughout Lily’s journey in the film, viewers are exposed to how cycles of abuse manifest both physically and emotionally. Lily is subjected to elements of abuse, both through observing her mother’s abuse at the hands of her father and her own relationship with Ryle in adulthood. Lily’s ability to gain awareness of these elements ultimately serves as the foundation for her to break the cycle of abuse for herself and her future. The Power and Control Wheel, created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (Pence & McMahon, 1997), portrays how abuse is dictated by the power and control tactics of abusers
Source: Dometic Abuse Intervention Programs / Used with permission
Courage to Leave
While Lily is subjected to elements of power and control throughout her relationship with Ryle, their relationship is also marked by moments of deep love and tenderness. This creates an internal conflict for Lily as she balances the need to protect herself with risking losing the relationship with a man she truly loves. This balance eloquently reflects the painful decision-making process that many survivors face and find themselves stuck in. In the end, Lily’s choice to end her relationship with Ryle is a testament to her resilience and commitment to ending the cycle of abuse for herself and her newly born daughter.
It Ends With Us serves as a reminder that breaking free from an abusive relationship requires an immense amount of courage, and there are complex reasons related to physical, emotional, and financial security that many survivors remain in these relationships for a long time. Wanting to leave is not enough — survivors must confront societal pressures, overcome fears, and prioritize their long-term well-being first. Support systems, including family, friends, or professional resources, play a vital role in helping survivors make the tough decision to go, which was evident through Lily’s relationships with her sister-in-law, childhood love interest, and mother. It was through each of these relationships that Lily ultimately found the strength and support to leave her abusive partner.
Source: TITOVA ILONA / ilonakozhevnikova
Intergenerational Impact
One of the most integral moments in the film It Ends With Us is Lily’s recognition that the choice she makes about her relationship with Ryle will directly shape her child’s future. Lily reflects on how her own experience witnessing her parents’ abusive relationship shaped her own perceptions of love and safety. Leaving Ryle represented a conscious, albeit difficult, decision for Lily to break the cycle of abuse for her daughter and provide her with a healthier environment free from intergenerational patterns of abuse.
This may be the most critical lesson in the entire film — that breaking cycles of abuse is not only about healing oneself, but preventing cycles of abuse from continuing to impact future generations. Breaking free from abusive cycles paves the way for healthier relationships and environments among children and other loved ones.
Self-compassion and Healing
What is unique to Lily’s story is the display of Self-compassion and forgiveness for both herself and others. While compassion for and forgiveness of abusers is most certainly not a requirement for healing, the film creates a unique balance of demonstrating Lily’s ability to both hold Ryle accountable for his actions and recognize that unresolved trauma (i.e., his brother’s death) may be the root cause of his own behavior. Lily herself learns to forgive herself for moments of doubt and hesitation, recognizing that both leaving and healing are not always linear processes.
For survivors of abuse, the inability to show oneself Self-compassion and self-forgiveness can make it even more difficult to break cycles of abuse. Survivors who are deep in cycles of abuse may find themselves convinced that they are somehow deserving of the mistreatment they experience. The film It Ends With Us encourages viewers to recognize that leaving an abusive relationship or environment is an ongoing journey, not a single act, that requires resilience and hope.
Source: Anna Tarazevich / Pexels
Key Take-Aways
The film It Ends With Us teaches viewers that while breaking cycles of abuse is a difficult process, it is ultimately necessary to prevent the continuation of patterns of trauma and abuse across generations. Making the choice to prioritize safety and well-being, even in the midst of abusive relationships that often hold deep love, requires gaining awareness of elements of power and control, being courageous, and showing yourself Self-compassion and self-forgiveness. The story highlights how access to resources, like education and support systems, helps foster change among both survivors and those who perpetrate abuse.
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Ultimately, the story told by It Ends With Us is one of empowerment: the power to end intergenerational cycles of abuse lies within each of us. By choosing to break cycles of abuse in your own life, or through supporting others navigating their own intergenerational trauma, we can contribute to a future where love is defined by respect, not pain.
